beautiful excruciating
by Whatserrname
Summary: A short one-shot about the reason why Charlie likes Alice so much. Non-romantic. Canon. Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.


**A/N: This a one-shot of a theory thats been on my mind for a while now. Hopefully you'll like it.**

**(_Readers of Insomniacs:Hide and Seek - I think we've established by now that I'm the worst updater in the history of the universe. I'm trying, I really am, but I want the last _**

**_chapter to be the best. I've learnt my lesson and so am not making any promises but I'm working on it and it shouldn't be long...)_**

Right! Time to try my hand at a bit of angst...

* * *

I squint at the TV absently, beer in hand, pretending to watch the blurry figures tackling each other on the screen. They're laughing upstairs, gossiping, fooling around - girl stuff. I'm transfixed. There it is again, that tinkling little laugh that sounds so different and yet so beautifully, excruciatingly like another. Less husky, but the spirit is the same.

My eyes wander to the pictures on the mantle and skim along the photographic timeline of Bella's life. And there _she_ is. Beautiful. Excruciating.

You'd think after 17 years even a guy like me could change, just a little, enough to let go. But, God, if I wasn't good enough to hold her then I damn well don't deserve to move on either. I wasn't good enough, funny enough, smart enough, plain interesting enough. There was fire behind her eyes and secrets in her smile, peace in the set of her brow and laughter in the lines of her face. And, all things being equal, I was the kid with the cute smile that she thought she was in love with once. Nothing more.

I'm a man who takes pleasure in the simple things. Food, sports... I know what makes me happy. I love my daughter, I love my job, I love _her. _But she, she loves everything.

She loves the Phoenix sky. She loves the air she breathes. She loves the songs that she hums under her breath while she washes the dishes. She loves the innocence of children. She loves the breeze on her face when she dances in the sun. She loves the happiness that she paints on the souls of others. And no matter how much it all sounds like unicorns and rainbows and crap, she loves love. She loves Bella. She loves _Him. _She does not love me. Sometimes, I wonder if she ever did.

Alice Cullen is not normal and neither are her family. I know that. I may just be a police chief from a tiny podunk town who's namesake is a kitchen utensil but I credit myself with enough of a brain to realize that something is amiss when her eyes are as golden as honey one week and black as coal the next.

And maybe I've just been spending to much time around Bella, but there is something in the way that the tiny girl moves that makes it seem as if she's floating, her feet too graceful to touch the ground. Her porcelain face could be a doll's but when she smiles a little too wide there is something about the gleam of the light on her teeth that makes my pulse quicken in fear.

And don't even get me started on Edward. Now I may just be old-fahioned but I never trust a guy who's too good-looking, it's always the pretty ones. That and he looks a bit too much like that yahoo that's all over the news these days - Roger Flattinson or something.

He hurt my Bella. Thats not something I can forgive. I've been to the place where she was when he left and it hurts like hell. Even when you think your numb, that you can't feel anything, its really just that you're in so much pain that nothing else registers. I don't think I ever really left that place, but with Bella...I really thought that she was going to make it through, because Jacob saved her. And Jake really loved her, he had that look in his eyes, the one that said he loved her so much it hurt.

But then Edward came back and she left him without looking back, without questioning Edward, leaving Jacob to love her echo. I know I pushed him on her, I know I did. But loving echoes was my speciality.

The Cullens aren't normal. But I'm sure as hell not going to start over-thinking it.

There is a loud thud from upstairs followed by exasperated sigh and a progression of light thumping noises. I decide that I don't want to know.

"Hey, Ch-Dad?" Bella calls as little Alice drags her down the stairs.

I sigh, knowing what is to come. "Yeah, Bells?"

"Is it OK if I sleep at the Cullens' tonight? We're going to - err- go over some wedding stuff..."

Yeah. Sure. Wedding stuff.

"Alright"

"Thanks." She shuffles on her feet for a second before settling for a small wave while Alice guides her towards the door by her elbow .

"Seeya Charlie!" Alice sings.

"Bye R-Alice." We all stop short, my embarrassing slip has apparently not gone unnoticed. My eyes meet Alice's golden ones and stay there. After a moment Bella snorts loudly.

"Rrralice, Dad? Seriously, are you Scooby Doo or something?"

I fake a grin and duck my head to hide an impending grimace.

"Hey Bella, why don't you head out to the car? I just want to talk to your dad for a sec."

"Sure" Bella replies, but with a question in her voice.

I look up just as she moves to leave "Remember Bells, watch out for the-" Thud. "Never mind." That girl is going to be the death of me.

Silence. The clock ticks.

After looking around the room in a hopeless attempt to turn invisible as I feel the tiny girl's gaze burning into me, I eventually give up and sheepishly turn back to Alice. I start at the look on her face - beautiful, excruciated...

Not breathing, I stare at her in shock, watching her delicate features scrunched up in pain. My hand twitches in an unusual instinct to comfort her, because a girl like Alice has fire behind her eyes and I don't think I could live if it goes out. Her stance is wary, as if the smallest thing could make her decide her course of action. Stay or go...

But they all go eventually.

"Charlie I-" The Cullens never stammer. I watch as she shifts on her feet and takes a small step in my direction. Always undecided.

Go. I plead with my eyes. Leave now. It's so much worse when you think they're staying.

"Not everyone leaves." She whispers and I don't want to ask how she knows.

"But Bella will aft-" Her eyes scrunch shut and I wonder for a second if she is going to cry.

"Not everyone leaves."

And then she turned and walked out the door.

I almost called her back, just to ask to see her smile again.

I liked Alice Cullen from the moment I met her. I do not have some kind of warped, romantic feelings for my 17 year old daughter's best friend like some narrow-minded people might want to believe. I love Renee Swan, and I'm pretty sure I always will do, no matter how much it hurts.

And I like Alice Cullen because she reminds me of _her_, Renee. No fancy words this time, no long rambles about how both their eyes dance and their souls sing and when Alice smiles I see Renee and my heart gets a little warmer.

I like Alice Cullen because she makes my echo become a whisper. And a guy like me will take anything he can get.


End file.
